To understand what I wanted to aspire to, there was nowhere else that felt appropriate but to look to poetry. Like romance, I just recognize when something is good and true. Though, it makes sense that they would be historically intertwined, because the idea of romance has always involved a kind of gesture, a reaching across to the other person. It’s odd, then, to see how ideas of chivalry and romance have trickled down. Our most recognizable portrayal of courtly love would be the story of Lancelot and Guinevere. The woman is put on a pedestal, and with his devotion (mostly) unrequited, the knight is given an education in courtesy and honor. Her whims are what propel him to do heroic acts to gain her favor, which she can choose whether or not to appreciate. A knight pledges allegiance to a married noblewoman, and he must obey her every whim. One may be surprised, but the power in courtly love lied squarely with the woman. These stories set out to be codes of conduct, but were idealized fictions and served as light encouragement for how one should act, effective mostly as entertainment.

Chivalric romances were a popular medieval form of storytelling in prose or verse, centered on the heroic adventures of knights and their participation in a higher form of courtship, known as courtly love. The earliest usages of romance were tied to storytelling in a vernacular style of Latin, and by the Middle Ages, it denoted stories specifically on themes of chivalry. It’s strange how the word is such common parlance, but its essence remains unclear.

The more I try to examine anything deeper than those impressions, the concept turns to dust under any weight. It’s defined as, “a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.” My own ideas of romance range from ’90s romantic comedies, photographs by Brassaï, or any film starring Cary Grant. We use the word romance for everything: candlelight, flowers, flying to Paris on a whim (which may be the most romantic).

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